The Diary Of An Alcoholic Mother

I've been moody, grumpy and tired. I've eaten lots and had a tinge of a headache. I think I counted 4 hours sleep last night. Urghhhhhh. Need to remember to stay hydrated (alcohol free) #obviously The urge to drink wine tonight was horrible. The wine witch visited at about 6pm. I made the final decision to eat my dinner and not succumb to her devilish desires.  I feel great for NOT falling into temptation but also like I'm missing out. Weird, I know. I found myself talking myself into why it would be ok to pour a glass. Then realised that I was simply making excuses to have a drink. Ultimately it's not what I want. Temporary high simply to numb my cravings. Nope not today Fred. Today I rode the wave... 

I have spent all day dying. Like literally, death would have been a welcomed relief at about midday. I think I must have still been drunk when I woke up to do the school run because I felt fine! Half a packet of shortbread biscuits, a gallon of water, two cuppa soups, a packet of prawn cocktail quavers, a bowl of chips and mayo, dairylea dunker, peanut m&ms, slice of cold pizza, more water, packet of mccoys, another dunker and cup of tea later  and I'm only just starting to feel semi human again. It's now nearly midnight. I have spend ALLL day hating myself. Barely moving from the sofa and not wanting to face the reality that I'm a fucking alcoholic. I managed to sink 2 and a half bottles of pinot grigio last night. What the fuck?!? How the hell did I get here? At what point in my life did I stop living and start surviving? Why am I doing this to myself? Why can't I control the amount of poison I keep shoving down my throat, making excuses for myself and telling mys...