Day 1. Again.

I have spent all day dying. Like literally, death would have been a welcomed relief at about midday. I think I must have still been drunk when I woke up to do the school run because I felt fine! Half a packet of shortbread biscuits, a gallon of water, two cuppa soups, a packet of prawn cocktail quavers, a bowl of chips and mayo, dairylea dunker, peanut m&ms, slice of cold pizza, more water, packet of mccoys, another dunker and cup of tea later  and I'm only just starting to feel semi human again. It's now nearly midnight.

I have spend ALLL day hating myself. Barely moving from the sofa and not wanting to face the reality that I'm a fucking alcoholic. I managed to sink 2 and a half bottles of pinot grigio last night. What the fuck?!? How the hell did I get here? At what point in my life did I stop living and start surviving? Why am I doing this to myself? Why can't I control the amount of poison I keep shoving down my throat, making excuses for myself and telling myself it's ok??? I've been here before so many times. Why am I such a failure to myself and my family? This shit stops right here, right now. This is day 1. Again. For the final time 🌈